Healthy Love

1. Become emotionally healthy on your own. Seek counseling, read books, join a support group, journal, meditate, pray, be grounded…

2. Release your need for your love interest to fit some sort of ideal. Looking for the same qualities over and over again, have not worked.

3. Be friends first. Do not consummate the relationship until you have a good idea of who they really are. Being intimate too soon causes extra pain when you both realize that the other person is not who you made them out to be.

4. The “honeymoon” phase is NOT the time to make any commitments.

5. Be absolutely certain to NOT get pregnant. If either of you are in a hurry to have a baby. there is definitely something wrong. Starting a family should arise out of a long-term, love relationship that has already included some level of commitment.

6. Challenge each other to grow and expand your lives. If one or both of you are struggling to keep each other held down or limiting the other’s opportunities, this is NOT healthy. This is control.

7. Do not bring others into your conflict.

8. Do not expect someone to fit your unreasonable requirements. They must be wealthy and give me unlimited amounts of money. They must be physically fit and follow my exact diet. They must spend all of their time with me and get permission to be somewhere else without me. They must love my family and side with me against their own. They must treat my children as their own and resist any extra time spent with their own children. All of these rules are unhealthy AND unfair.

9. Accept all of their relationships just as you accept them. Do not intervene in any relationship that they already have established. You are manipulative if you find love and then go about making changes to their lives. If there is a truly damaging relationship, then the decision to distance themselves from that person is a joint decision, not your decision.

10. Trust them until they give you a reason to not trust them. If your last love was a cheater, that does not mean that this person will cheat as well. Or, if other partners have stolen money from you, this person is different until you find reason to think otherwise. This may be YOUR dysfunctional behavior by expecting trouble in the same ways throughout any of your relationships. Your insecurities may actually doom any hope of success with someone new.

11. Build trust one step at a time. Do not give someone the keys to your car, house and heart in the first week.

12. Recognize when someone in your life is sabotaging this relationship. Your partner may seem insecure but there may be some truth to their discomfort. Is your mother trying to turn you against them? Does your best friend not like them because they don’t see you as often? Does your father disapprove of their career? Be objective.

13. Keep your finances separate. There is no quicker way to find an abusive, controlling person then to give them access to your cash.

14. If they cheat, do not blame just the other person who they cheated with. This is irrational. Both parties cheated. There is a shared responsibility for the deception. If you fall into this mind trap then you are being played by your partner.

15. Take turns deciding what to do for fun, leisure, exercise… Do not force a person into your life. Always make concessions and compromise equally.

16. Ask some good questions  Once it begins to feel serious, discuss money, family commitments, illness, finances, children, retirement, housing, travel… If there are important issues that you are the polar opposite of each other, then you must decide how to proceed. Forcing someone to compromise is not healthy or respectful.

17. Make small changes until you each feel more comfortable.

18. Begin your financial discussions when you have made a commitment to each other. You may have to decide on savings, housing, large purchases, dividing bills, college tuition, pet care, elder care, any moves required for work…  This will decrease the shock of your financial expenditures by having an idea of what costs you will be facing together. Conflict over finances can end a relationship.

19. Never give up too much of yourself to make the other person happy. Know when you are no longer the person you want to be and make some changes. If there is no compromise, this is probably not a healthy relationship for you.

20. Build respect for your partner from your family, friends and other close loved ones. Please do not allow your partner to be chastised or disrespected when travelling in your circles. By allowing these conflicts, you are leaving your love to fend for themselves and this is not healthy or loving. You would not be happy in this same situation, so protect your partner as you would also expect to be protected.

No Barriers Are Too Big

We have begun our teaching with you about perspective. No barrier is too big, too emotional, too devastating or too soon. Perspective is something that you carry with you and use without abandon. With proper emotional stability and faith, perspective is useful in every instance of experience.

Many adages have been coined to express this. “This too shall pass,” “By the grace of God…” “Time heals all wounds,” or “God will not give you more than you can handle.” What you are having trouble with is actually being positive and full of faith in response to truly terrible events or illnesses. You would rather respond in rage or desolation. You want to scream and question God’s Will. Who benefits from your rage, screams, despondency, substance abuse, denial, or questioning God’s Will? No one. Not even you.

Your child with cancer does not need your anger. Your mother who just suffered a heart attack does not need your drunkenness. Your sister who just lost her husband in an auto accident does not need your questioning God’s Will. Rather, they all need strength, faith, support, calm, clarity and understanding. YOU are the one pursuing greater spirituality. You have found this place where spirit stands close enough to teach you and provide guidance. If you cannot find God in all instances then who will? This is why you are here. We are here to teach you that there are lessons, goals, and a purpose to each life event.

The adages may seem hollow or poorly timed, so don’t speak them. Give others what is within your heart. Make statements about faith, patience and understanding. “I know this is difficult for you now. I will be here to listen and give you my support. Together we will find strength.” You would also be drawn to someone who is able to give you this type of reassurance. Others may want anger, grief, denial… you will provide stability and calm. You don’t have to push your spirituality upon anyone. It is enough that you have the belief to carry you through these difficult times.

Recovery from serious disease or tragic events happens more quickly and thoroughly with hope, love and faith. Someone battling with cancer makes a more profound recovery with a positive attitude. They may give support to their own family and friends by always looking for the silver lining. A dark and bitter perspective will feed anger, aggression, depression and hopelessness. Even if there is subsequently no cure, much will be taught and learned by being positive, loving and hopeful.

This concept still gets stuck in your throat. That is ok for now. This is something we will work through over time. What will make the most dramatic shift to your need for dramatic emotion is knowing that this life is all about learning and experience. In Heaven, you do not have heart problems, paralysis, diabetes, cancer, disabilities from an auto accident, birth defects, loss of senses, Alzheimer’s… You are whole physically and working to be complete emotionally.

Each lifetime has a checklist of experiences. You have known wealth, poverty, illness, health, being childless, having many children, dying young, dying in later years, losing your mother in childhood, caring for your father into his old age… After many lifetimes, you are gathering so much experience that you find greater ease in finding a positive perspective. Your lifetimes have built up one upon the other and encompassed that checklist of your existence!

You are this person now because of all the lifetimes that you have lived. Your life now is good because it is time to be good or bad because you need to accept a better perspective. You are well or maybe not but your faith has everything to do with how effectively you cope with your health concerns. You may die young, as an older person or somewhere in between, but this is written. It is a process that you wrote in order to learn and to teach. The whole story is known in Heaven.

Faith is the answer to every question, situation and event. The only search you need to do is for the lesson that was intended to be learned.

No barrier is too big. Faith, love and God will dispel any fear. Unnecessary steps are not required. Each and every experience is easily handled with your positive perspective. You and others will benefit from your strength and emotional stability. Why are you so wise? Because you are holding the hand of God. There is no room for fear or disbelief in your relationship with Him.

Your Light shines brighter each time We speak. It is here that We came to know you and you came to know God. Our communication is strong enough to dissolve any barriers.

We teach you in faith and in love,
Maureen, The Advocate

Live Life Simply

Have you ever sat and just looked at all of your possessions? Do you take stock in the “things” that you have accumulated? Is there a point at which you will stop acquiring “things?”

Many people have taken a vow of sorts to live life simply. Instead of bigger and better they have chosen to downsize and keep only simple and useful “things.”

What do you suppose the outcome was? At first, they questioned themselves about their motivation and committment. Once they got beyond this questioning stage they began to take their simplification more seriously. Then, they felt empowered by taking so much control over their lives and by feeling less obligated “to do” and “to have.”

They began to allow more people to know about their lifestyle and to ask questions about this radical shift. They felt stronger and more vocal. They chose to speak out more about how empowering the whole process had been. They feel now that they have grown by releasing the demons of greed and ego.

How did this process evolve? By choosing a smaller and more efficient home. By not having a car or other type of vehicle. By letting go of extra items of housewares, clothing, shoes, furniture…They began to select items that best served their purpose. Mixing and matching a few clothing items. Using the same table for eating and for work. Choosing a few select chairs to serve multiple purposes. Clearing out almost all jewelry.

The PROCESS became liberating. They were able to release their need to compare and compete. Simple, functional things were ok. Well made items were preferred and maintained. Some even went so far as to allow only a certain amount of “things” in their home. Such as, 20 clothing items, 1 watch, 2 pairs of shoes, 10 towels and wash cloths…

The result was profound. They released all unnecessary attachments and found freedom instead. They replaced their “needs” with simplicity and spirituality. It became far easier to see the purpose of the world. It was more natural to seek God and serenity.

They also began to communicate differently. Their speech was less pressured. They spoke more of “we” and “us.” They appeared relaxed and content. They lost the commotion of their lives.

They possessed fewer things but they were also unattached to them. “God will provide.” Items may be replaced at any time by something better or more functional. Time was spent contemplating how simple life became and they presented themselves to the world as carefree and full of hope.

They began to feel sorrow for others who grabbed and clung and continued to add to their possessions. They felt removed from the commotion and confusion. Their hearts ached for the rest of us. They wished to gift us the simple life and to release our dependence upon “things.” Some listened and most others didn’t. Fewer still started to act.

Even if we are unable to make this committment to simplify our lives we still may learn the most important lessons involved.

1. Lose our attachment to material things.
2. Realize that items are replaceable.
3. Clothing and shoes do not define who we are.
4. Efficient housing allows us to diminish our overuse of resources.
5. There are a variety of alternate ways to travel.
6. We are more relaxed and insightful when we are at peace.
7. We wish to assist others to “improve” their lives as well, as a gift.
8. Being resourceful increases our connection and committment to Mother Earth.
9. We feel enriched by removing barriers to contentment.
10. By letting go of our “needs” we allow more room for God.

God has given us many gifts repeatedly over time. What we may feel is “new” has been presented to us many times before. We may not have been ready to accept it. We may have understood the purpose but chose to maintain our current course instead. Here it is again. Cut all ties and attachments to gain true freedom. Our path toward God may be clear and unencumbered, if that is what we choose. God has given you the means but it is up to you to follow.